so shitty and shitty and...
I may have fucked up some serious bznz. Or not.
Maybe I'm worrying over nothing.
Maybe I'm rightfully worrying.
I have no idea.
I seem eternally unable to adult. Of all the lines in that email that I got WHILE ON VACATION, I missed the important one about having to clock in an extra day in addition to the two training days each week during the training period.
So of course I sent an email today, to clarify the situation.
BUT LIKE...YOU REALIZE HOW BAD THAT LOOKS???
This email was sent in MAY. MID MAY.
AND I DIDN'T REALIZE THIS SMALL, IMPORTANT DETAIL UNTIL A MONTH AND A HALF LATER.
I could shoot myself right now, I'm so upset. (Okay no I wouldn't, but like do you understand the degree of frustration I'm feeling right now like it's huge, ok.)
So now I'm worrying that I've already made a hugely poor impression for them to judge.
I swear I'm not usually a wreck. I promise I'll work hard.
U G H . . .
I hate having to be serious and adult and just be so SERIOUS.
Why can't adult life be less serious? Why does everyone have to be so SERIOUS. I'm not saying that I want to go through life care free and not caring about anything and being generally a waste of oxygen. I just mean like
Mistakes should be okay to make. People shouldn't judge you or chew you out for them.
And yet, I've grown up believing that mistakes are BAD and they're a sign of FAILURE and show that you're NOT PREPARED and ILL EQUIPPED and NOT CAPABLE.
But we're all HUMAN. WE ALL MAKE MISTAKES.
Why can't adults understand this?
Now I'm just constantly living in fear of screw ups. No matter how small. Every small fault is a potential disaster. Every small mistake is something I could have worked to avoid.
I DON'T WANT TO LIVE LIKE THIS!!!!