I feel shitty--

Mon, Jul. 4th, 2016 03:13 pm
sneezedesu: gakuran!yamato is best yamato (Default)
 --oh so shitty 
so shitty and shitty and... 


I may have fucked up some serious bznz. Or not. 

Maybe I'm worrying over nothing. 

Maybe I'm rightfully worrying. 

I have no idea. 

I seem eternally unable to adult. Of all the lines in that email that I got WHILE ON VACATION, I missed the important one about having to clock in an extra day in addition to the two training days each week during the training period. 

So of course I sent an email today, to clarify the situation. 


This email was sent in MAY. MID MAY. 


I could shoot myself right now, I'm so upset. (Okay no I wouldn't, but like do you understand the degree of frustration I'm feeling right now like it's huge, ok.) 

So now I'm worrying that I've already made a hugely poor impression for them to judge. 

I swear I'm not usually a wreck. I promise I'll work hard. 

U G H . . . 

I hate having to be serious and adult and just be so SERIOUS. 

Why can't adult life be less serious? Why does everyone have to be so SERIOUS. I'm not saying that I want to go through life care free and not caring about anything and being generally a waste of oxygen. I just mean like 

Mistakes should be okay to make. People shouldn't judge you or chew you out for them. 

And yet, I've grown up believing that mistakes are BAD and they're a sign of FAILURE and show that you're NOT PREPARED and ILL EQUIPPED and NOT CAPABLE. 


Why can't adults understand this? 

Now I'm just constantly living in fear of screw ups. No matter how small. Every small fault is a potential disaster. Every small mistake is something I could have worked to avoid. 

sneezedesu: gakuran!yamato is best yamato (Default)
 IFTTT hasn't been crossposting my dreamwidth posts it seems...sighs 


Sat, Jul. 2nd, 2016 03:27 pm
sneezedesu: gakuran!yamato is best yamato (Default)
Lately I've been feeling really salty about a lot of things (lol). 

Well, then again, I'm almost always salty and/or complaining about something of some sort if I'm posting here on dw anyway...hence why my icon for posts here will pretty much always be that moody gakuran!Yamato (lol). Ahh well, it should be fine, right...we all need a place where we can let off steam and let out our thoughts freely...right? 

There's too much to write about all the salt I'm feeling, in addition to all the worries I'm having about real life things (classes, practicum, basically everything in my life...) so I won't actually be saying anything...for now anyway. But yeah. I'm feeling pretty salty. About lots of things. 


snz. /o-o/ 
sneezedesu: gakuran!yamato is best yamato (Default)
I was gonna post this on my Facebook but then realized if I did, a whole army of "Bernie or Bust" friends would just attack me and burn me at the stake... And honestly I'm not well versed enough in political matters to be able to put up any sort of fight. Plus, I suck at debating in general.
...so I ran away to post this here on dreamwidth instead (lol)
the rant that surely would have all my Bernie friends wanting to murder me... )

So...yeah. That's my two cents on the election (lol). 

snz. /o-o/

Sucks to suck.

Wed, Jun. 8th, 2016 02:58 pm
sneezedesu: gakuran!yamato is best yamato (Default)

Why is family so absurdly difficult to deal with... Yesterday I got blasted by my cousin for ranting to him about the problems that arise in my family because of planning for his wedding and stupid fucking wedding party bonding via Tough Mudder event. Today I got blasted by my own mother for apparently not feeling enough responsibility about how much money my entire existence wastes. Thanks, mom. How about I just go jump off the tallest building in Houston now then? Hm? Then I wouldn't be wasting so much of your money then, huh. Anyway. More under the cut.

Warning: Long rant ahead. Apologies in advance. )

I really need to move out from this place soon. It sucks because I'd hate to live alone, but I just can't stay here any longer. It's toxic and my mind is cracking. 

I hope any of you who actually read my posts at least have it slightly better with their family than I do. And if you don't, then just know that eventually, this too will come to pass. (Not by death, but just..the worse moments with family will pass and arise to less shitty moments.) 

snz. /o-o/. 
sneezedesu: gakuran!yamato is best yamato (Default)
I dunno about most people, but oftentimes when talking with friends, I feel the need to constantly apologize for my behavior, what I'm talking about, and/or how much I'm speaking.

Anyone else have this kind of problem? )  

No one should ever feel the need to constantly apologize for what they're saying, I think. I always try to respect the other person who's speaking, and listen attentively so that they can feel that I'm listening and really care. I honestly would never want someone to feel the same sort of...pain? as I feel when I feel like apologizing for speaking. 

So...yeah. Try not to browse Facebook when your friend's talking, folks. And try to interact with your friend's conversation more...a lack of response and eye contact has more impact than you may think! 

snz. /o-o/ 


Thu, Jun. 2nd, 2016 03:21 pm
sneezedesu: gakuran!yamato is best yamato (Default)
Hello, to whoever bothers reading these (lol). 

rain, rain, go away (come again another day) )

Eventually today I'll finally clean up my desk and my room...and start on the vacation journal I never finished...(lol) OTL

snz. /o-o/ 


Wed, Jun. 1st, 2016 04:11 pm
sneezedesu: gakuran!yamato is best yamato (Default)
 I just wrote out a crap ton of shit and then it all vanished because I accidentally hit the back button on the page. 

Fucking hell. 

Not even the world wants to let me vent properly. 

Guess I'll try to remember what I wrote...

ugh. )

Lol I guess I'll leave it at that =_=; 

snz. /o-o/ 


Fri, Apr. 29th, 2016 06:22 pm
sneezedesu: gakuran!yamato is best yamato (Default)
 Drags hands down face what do I DO about this CHILD...!!!!! 

Why has this persisted for sO L O N G-- )

Holds head in hands. I really don't know where I was going with this anymore. Basically this child is not good for my health..!!!!

snz. /o-o/

p r o f i l e

sneezedesu: gakuran!yamato is best yamato (Default)

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