(test)

Wed, Oct. 19th, 2016 10:08 pm
sneezedesu: gakuran!yamato is best yamato (Default)
 ifttt seems to work again? 

emotions.

Sun, Oct. 9th, 2016 12:38 am
sneezedesu: (megane!shu)
Hello again. 

It's been a long time since I've last posted here, it feels like, even though it's actually only been a few months (I think). 

Lately, I've been feeling a lot of things. I've hated myself, felt fat, felt upset, felt sad, felt immense happiness yet sadness, felt obsessive love, felt exhaustion, and so on. Suddenly, today, I've decided that it's been pretty overwhelming. 

I suspect that the reason for this is because I haven't been sleeping much. If it isn't that, then I really don't know what else it could be (lol). If only fixing my sleeping schedule were as easy as flipping a light switch. 

I don't really know what thoughts I want to put down here anymore. I opened up this page with several thoughts in mind, but then they suddenly grew exponentially and I don't really even know which ones I should put down here. 

All I know really is that I feel like having a good cry, but somehow can't. 

I feel shitty--

Mon, Jul. 4th, 2016 03:13 pm
sneezedesu: gakuran!yamato is best yamato (Default)
 --oh so shitty 
so shitty and shitty and... 
gay? 

lol. 

I may have fucked up some serious bznz. Or not. 

Maybe I'm worrying over nothing. 

Maybe I'm rightfully worrying. 

I have no idea. 

I seem eternally unable to adult. Of all the lines in that email that I got WHILE ON VACATION, I missed the important one about having to clock in an extra day in addition to the two training days each week during the training period. 

So of course I sent an email today, to clarify the situation. 

BUT LIKE...YOU REALIZE HOW BAD THAT LOOKS??? 

This email was sent in MAY. MID MAY. 

AND I DIDN'T REALIZE THIS SMALL, IMPORTANT DETAIL UNTIL A MONTH AND A HALF LATER. 

I could shoot myself right now, I'm so upset. (Okay no I wouldn't, but like do you understand the degree of frustration I'm feeling right now like it's huge, ok.) 

So now I'm worrying that I've already made a hugely poor impression for them to judge. 

I swear I'm not usually a wreck. I promise I'll work hard. 

U G H . . . 

I hate having to be serious and adult and just be so SERIOUS. 

Why can't adult life be less serious? Why does everyone have to be so SERIOUS. I'm not saying that I want to go through life care free and not caring about anything and being generally a waste of oxygen. I just mean like 

Mistakes should be okay to make. People shouldn't judge you or chew you out for them. 

And yet, I've grown up believing that mistakes are BAD and they're a sign of FAILURE and show that you're NOT PREPARED and ILL EQUIPPED and NOT CAPABLE. 

But we're all HUMAN. WE ALL MAKE MISTAKES. 

Why can't adults understand this? 

Now I'm just constantly living in fear of screw ups. No matter how small. Every small fault is a potential disaster. Every small mistake is something I could have worked to avoid. 

I DON'T WANT TO LIVE LIKE THIS!!!! 
sneezedesu: gakuran!yamato is best yamato (Default)
 IFTTT hasn't been crossposting my dreamwidth posts it seems...sighs 

Salty.

Sat, Jul. 2nd, 2016 03:27 pm
sneezedesu: gakuran!yamato is best yamato (Default)
Lately I've been feeling really salty about a lot of things (lol). 

Well, then again, I'm almost always salty and/or complaining about something of some sort if I'm posting here on dw anyway...hence why my icon for posts here will pretty much always be that moody gakuran!Yamato (lol). Ahh well, it should be fine, right...we all need a place where we can let off steam and let out our thoughts freely...right? 

There's too much to write about all the salt I'm feeling, in addition to all the worries I'm having about real life things (classes, practicum, basically everything in my life...) so I won't actually be saying anything...for now anyway. But yeah. I'm feeling pretty salty. About lots of things. 

...yeah. 

snz. /o-o/ 
sneezedesu: gakuran!yamato is best yamato (Default)
Internet communities (or comms), like those on Livejournal, are a great way to find others who are into the same thing(s) you are, among other benefits. But, I must admit, sometimes they get mildly...frustrating? Not quite the word I'm looking for, but you'll get what I mean (lol).  

Perhaps petty complaints, perhaps thoughtful insight... )

snz. /o-o/ 

sneezedesu: gakuran!yamato is best yamato (Default)
a;kdf;askdf;asdjfa;sdfjsjdf
 
I was gonna post this on my Facebook but then realized if I did, a whole army of "Bernie or Bust" friends would just attack me and burn me at the stake... And honestly I'm not well versed enough in political matters to be able to put up any sort of fight. Plus, I suck at debating in general.
 
...so I ran away to post this here on dreamwidth instead (lol)
 
the rant that surely would have all my Bernie friends wanting to murder me... )

So...yeah. That's my two cents on the election (lol). 

snz. /o-o/

Last minute rush.

Mon, Jun. 20th, 2016 09:34 pm
sneezedesu: gakuran!yamato is best yamato (Default)
I always seem to do this to myself for exams, but here we are (lol).

...I think I mentioned this in the last post already, actually, but oh well. 

I know I'm not the only person on the planet who procrastinates, so sometimes I do wonder...what is it about human nature that makes us prone to procrastination? What makes procrastinators different from non-procrastinators? Is there some sort of underlying gene or characteristic or something that differs us? I'd like to know, I think...not that it'd do anything to fix my bad procrastination habits, though (lol). 

I had a cup of milk coffee tea earlier today, but I fell asleep for a bit after eating dinner, so I made another cup now that I've showered and won't be doing anything other than (attempt to) study between now and when I finally give up and go to sleep. We'll see how good it is at keeping me awake, I suppose. 

It's too bad that I'm so terrible at motivating myself when it comes to classes...hopefully this exam goes okay regardless, though. The one thing I've always disliked about summer classes is that they're deceptively relaxed in class, and then exam time comes up on you like a ghost you didn't see coming (lol). That's what happened this time, too... Guess I gotta step up my game for the second half of the class, huh. 

Well, time to buckle down and try to get more studying done. Wish me luck! 

snz. /o-o/ 

Procrastination

Sun, Jun. 19th, 2016 10:28 pm
sneezedesu: gakuran!yamato is best yamato (Default)
I've been distracted, unable to concentrate, and also generally uninterested in studying, for the entire weekend. I've also been pretty tired,  but these are all excuses. When it comes down to it, I've just been procrastinating a lot... ): 

And now, of course, I've hit the point where I'm worried I won't be able to cover everything that I need to study for this exam in enough detail such that I can get away with a B on the exam. T~T 

...why do I always do this to myself OTL 

snz. /o-o/ 

p r o f i l e

sneezedesu: gakuran!yamato is best yamato (Default)
sneezedesu

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